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Just think how refreshing and exciting life would be if we got to play by our own rules! If we didn't have to have the wedding as dictated by The Knot, our minister, the wedding industry or our best friend--what would it look like? Would we prefer to elope? To have a potluck picnic reception in the park? Would we get married on a Wednesday in November as opposed to the traditional Saturday in summer?

What if we didn't have to wear a white dress, or our wedding cake could be a wedding eclairs? And let's just say that we don't want a big party afterwards, but we just want to be alone for a bit? Suppose we want our wedding ceremony to be in the stands at a ball game? Where is the rule written that says we can't do that? And what if we want to exchange wedding bracelets instead of rings? Or exchange no physical token at all?

Gasp! What if we don't want to register anywhere??!!!

What would your wedding day look like if there were no rules?

And if you think that's mind-blowing, consider this:

What would
your marriage look like if there were no rules?

The possible answers to that one are too numerous to even speculate about. It does remind me of something, though.

Do you remember when you were little and you really believed that you could have the pony that you asked for on your birthday? Remember those days before pragmatism and being sensible set in and you really, really thought that finding a pony in the garage on your birthday was a distinct possibility? Do you recall daydreaming about the possibilities? Sauntering around the block atop your beloved pony and being the envy of all your friends. How you'd love the pony, care for the pony…be inseparable from the pony.

Sigh…those were the days…You could practically reach out and touch that pony, couldn't you?

But then your parents--as lovingly as they could--explained to you that keeping a pony in the suburbs wasn't practical...wasn't reasonable. It's just not feasible.

You made yourself content with the shiny red bike, and after a while, you grew up and forgot about the pony.

But the wonderful about marriage of which so many of us lose sight is that it really, truly can be the pony. (Even if you're a same-sex couple whose government says "no!" to legal marriage, you and your partner still have the freedom to set up your own rules when it comes to your relationship. Hence, everyone gets "pony rights.") Anything is feasible in a marriage as long as you and your partner agree to it.

I can't help but wonder if marriages would last longer if the partners each drew up their own set of rules based on their collective image of what "livin' the pony life" would look like.

What would your marriage look like if it weren't defined by society, your mother, your church, your best friend's marriage rules, or your own (unexamined) preconceived notions? What if there were no limitations, no restrictions, no shoulds, nor trailblazers to tell you how it's supposed to be done?

Go ahead--give some attention to writing your own vows if you prefer.

But before you do that, consider writing your own rules.
Why not Write Our Own Rules instead of Just Writing our Own Vows?

by Maureen Thomson
Maureen Thomson is a Colorado Wedding Officiant and owner of Lyssabeth's Rocky Mountain Wedding Officiants. She and her staff of wedding officiants have had the joy of writing and performing the ceremonies of thousands of couples since 2002.


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A lot of couples want to write their own wedding ceremony vows, which makes perfect sense. Vows reflect a deeply personal commitment. No matter how eloquent and plentiful the vow options offered by an officiant, it's not always possible to capture the true essence of a couple's love unless they themselves compose the words.

Last night a thought popped into my head and it simply won't leave, so I guess that means I'm supposed to share it!

Rather than write our own vows, why don't we write our own rules?

Now, I'm not sure if the Universe sent me that message in regard to planning weddings or planning marriages, so I'm going to cover my collective bases and apply it to both events.
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